I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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