well I can't set my house on fire every night
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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