its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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