To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
