I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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