He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
