i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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