I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
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You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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