This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
