Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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