How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize