oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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