Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize