You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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