In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i think i have herpe
just one?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Shame - the story of my life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
