Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
