This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
