I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
