i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
