I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.