even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.