nutella sex= disaster
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess