The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.