Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
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No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
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i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids