Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour