both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?