nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT