You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
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I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
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Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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