You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
