I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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