her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
