Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
