did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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