1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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