All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
