I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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