God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
