we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
