I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
