I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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