Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
