I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
