If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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