when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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