I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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