Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
