Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
