I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
