So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
