I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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