I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He has the fingertips of a God
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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