Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
