you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
