Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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