My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
