I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize