So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
