Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
