i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
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I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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