so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
