i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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