you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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