dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
