I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
