I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
