'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
