Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
