and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
