I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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