theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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