Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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